I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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