We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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