I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
