He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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