my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
