I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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