Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
