If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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