We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
