one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
