you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
