There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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