Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i think my cat just said my name.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
