it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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