i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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