Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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