Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
