ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
