Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
