Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
