Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
