Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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