cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
