A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
