well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
