so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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