I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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