You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
