just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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