i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
