Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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