that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
