the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
