Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
