Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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