did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
