i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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