Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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