We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
