if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
