I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
