Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
