the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
