One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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