he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
