I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
