you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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