Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
