Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
