awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
