dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
