She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
