omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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