is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
