I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
