The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
