Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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