So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
